The Journey of a Lifetime: Theresa and Ayana

The Journey of a Lifetime: Theresa and Ayana

For a Big, the only thing harder than trying to talk with a quiet, shy kid, might be seeing that same child grow up, find their voice, and begin to head out on their own. As Big Sister Theresa can tell you, the journey together can seem long and short all at once.

The pair was matched 9 years ago when Ayana was 13 and Theresa was 26. “She was very shy,” said Theresa. “Like a ‘we-couldn’t-decide-where-to go-on-our-first-outing’ quiet.’”

But Theresa soon got her Little out of that phase. “She got me out of my comfort zone,” said Ayana. “I had never really eaten out before, and she helped me expand my taste buds because I was really picky.”

“She’s also helped me to explore a lot because she’s taken me to things I would have never thought to do,” said Ayana. “Like on one of our early outings, we went to a belly dancing class.”

It was a whole new world for Ayana who is the oldest of 5 and who spent her younger years helping her mom with her siblings and not getting out of the house much. Within the first year of being matched, Theresa and Ayana had gone kayaking several times a month, gone to movies, visited restaurants, and even attended a Big Brothers Big Sisters Circuit of the America’s event where Ayana rode around the track in a race car.

But there was one outing that was really a stretch for Ayana – ziplining over water. “We went ziplining with other matches. She had never been and told me she was afraid of heights,” said Theresa. “But by the end of the time, we were both racing each other.”

It’s not simply outings or trying new foods, though. Ayana’s growth as a result of her match has impacted several areas of her life – including one that was particularly important for her and for Theresa. “She got bullied a lot in middle school and high school, and she was so sad,” said Theresa. “I told her I was bullied too. Honestly, I think we bonded because we’d both been through that.”

It was a connection that surprised Ayana and helped her realize that there was life beyond those days. “She said, ‘You were bullied, and you still went to college?’ I helped her realize that just because you’re bullied doesn’t mean you can’t succeed,” said Theresa. “I think it helped for her to know that yes, people can live a good life after something like that.”

“We are also both children of divorce,” said Theresa. “I told her, ‘I’ll tell you straight. You can get through this.’ She will say things and I’ll say, ‘Oh, I know exactly how you feel.’”

It was all a little surprising to Theresa as well. “I honestly didn’t know (that opening up to her like that) would be part of mentorship,” laughed Theresa. “I thought it was all ‘you go get food, you talk to them about going to college, teach them how to get through college, and that’s it.’ And here we are talking about real life stuff.”

While she was helping Ayana, she found that she was helping herself as well. “She’s helped me more than she’ll ever know. She was like a ray of light in my life,” said Theresa. “She’s taught me so much. She’s taught me about music, she’s teaching me dances, but most importantly, she’s taught me how to love because she shows me unconditional love.”

Nine years later the bond still holds. These two are still going on outings, but now that Ayana is older the adventures have changed. They recently went to SXSW and got to try different things and explore. “She’s growing up,” lamented Theresa. “I don’t want her to grow up! But one of my favorite things is after SXSW she went back and took her younger sister. She’s often shared stuff we’ve done with her family; even places we eat. She has that confidence because she and I did it together.”

Their conversations have changed as well. Now they are discussing college and work topics. Though Ayana is considering going to Dental Hygiene school she is currently working for the State Dental Board. “It’s cool. We used to talk about school and now we talk about work,” said Theresa. “She’s done well and has moved up in her positions. It’s been nice for her to understand she can go to college when she is ready. She has money, a full-time job, she drives, she’s in a better position now to go to college than before.”

These days, they may go for a month and not talk, but when they finally do, Theresa says it’s like they haven’t been apart. “She’ll be like, ‘I gotta tell you this! I gotta tell you this!’” laughs Theresa. “It’s like seeing a long-lost friend you haven’t seen in a while.”

Her own journey is not lost on Ayana either as she talks about the difference the match has made in her life. “I didn’t have anyone who went to college or who has a career,” said Ayana. “Theresa can help me with colleges and scholarships. She also helps me when I have questions about taxes or getting a car.”

“Being matched with Theresa has made me want to be a Big. You can change someone’s life, you can help them grow and overcome things,” said Ayana. “Theresa has expanded me, brought me out of my shell food-wise, adventure-wise, career-wise. I don’t know where I would be now if not for Theresa. She is amazing. She is my sister.”

They recently went to a BBBS match anniversary party and were seated at a table with another match. “It turns out they were the same ages we were when we were matched and they were celebrating a one-year anniversary,” said Theresa. It was this time-capsule. I was like ‘Wow, that was us 8 years ago.’ We have this bond, and they are still building their foundation. I told her (the other Big) I don’t think you understand. This really hits close to home for me. They were so young and full of energy. We’ve come a long way.”

“Technically, our match ends when Ayana’s 25, I think. But she’s my sister, I don’t care what anyone says,” said Theresa. “Some people you’re born into contact with, some you choose, and some are put in your life when you need them. I think she was put into my life when I needed it. We’d go do stuff; we’d go have fun. And we still will.”

“A match starts out and at first it is weeks and months that are a little awkward because it’s two strangers meeting,” said Theresa, “But for me, it turned into a lifetime of happiness.”