Waiting To Be Matched – The Impact
Kids process time differently than adults do, especially when they are waiting for something special. For kids wanting a mentor, a friend, or someone to help them, being on a waiting list can feel like it takes forever.
“Waiting to be matched with a Big Brother or Sister can seem like it takes a long time,” said Adriana Adams, BBBS Customer Relations Supervisor. “And they take it personally. Kids think ‘There’s something about me that means I can’t get a mentor.’ Parents are more understanding and have better perspective.”
Though they’re understanding, however, waiting is hard on parents as well. “We have parents who are looking for help, who are going through a hard time,” said Adriana. “And they have nowhere else to go. It is really hard to have to tell them that we can’t match their child right away.”
“People will call and tell us stories that show just how much their child needs a Big,” said Ellen Harsch, Enrollment Supervisor. “For example, a mom will say, ‘My child is having a real hard time in school and getting into trouble,’ or ‘My child has been getting into fights since his dad went to jail,’ or ‘My child seems lonely since his dad died.’ Sometimes it can be one hard story after another. And everyone who calls deserves a Big. The family may be going through something that is so hard for them, and one way we can support and help them is to provide a friend, but it’s not something we can just snap our fingers and do immediately because the demand exceeds our staff capacity.”
BBBS’ staff members let parents and children know about the expectations for getting matched, but that doesn’t always make it any easier for families, or for staff, when children are put on the waiting list. “It’s always hard and sad to say ‘No.’ And it’s hard on us as staff because we know how much good a mentor can do,” Ellen continued. “We know that if we could get these kiddos matched we could really make a difference in impacting their lives in a positive way.”
The kids waiting to be matched know that having a mentor can be positive too, as their comments reveal. “One Little Brother said that he wants a mentor because he wants someone he can hang out with and talk to,” said Christina Eisenlord, Enrollment Specialist. “Another Little is the oldest child in his family with a lot of responsibility and he needs some space away from the chaos within the house.”
“One Little Sister is super excited about the possibility of getting a Big Sister because she says she really needs help in school,” Christina continued.
For some of the kids on the waiting list it’s about the companionship of having an adult friend. “One Little Sister hopes to get a Big Sister because she doesn’t want to be lonely,” Christina added. “Her mother has breast cancer and she really wants someone to talk to. She wants more than just fun activities because she’s struggling with what is going on with her mom.”
As new matches get started, it’s exciting to imagine what their futures might hold.
“Once a match begins there’s so much good that can come from it. We see that over and over as Bigs, Littles, and family members move through life events together. While the wait can be a challenge, the benefits, opportunities and relationships that come from being matched can truly last a lifetime,” Ellen said.
Big Brother Chris agreed. “When we first got matched, Keon was a little shy,” he said about his Little Brother Keontray. “He’d talk about his day and I’d ask him all sorts of questions about his life and he’d share if he wanted to.”
“The wait to be matched with Keon was definitely worth it. Since Day One, seeing Keon once a week is the highlight of my week, every single week. The best part is that Keon adds just as much to my life as I do his. He inspires me to be a better person, and to keep pushing through school and work and life. He’s a brilliant kid and I believe in him 100%. I’d do anything for him and his family on any day.”
Is being on the waiting list hard? Yes.
Is it worth the wait? Absolutely!